Things That Might Surprise You...

One of the things I hear a lot from people is how much they enjoy getting to know Kirk in a new way through the blog. I was thinking about this last night and about the fact that there were things about him that even surprised me sometimes – times when I thought for sure I could predict his reaction to something and turned out to be wrong.

So here is a list of things that might surprise you about Kirk.

Movies: Kirk HATED to go to the movies. Too much work to go to the bathroom, too many other people around him, having to walk out instead of change the channel if you didn’t like the movie. And of course, no beer. He also never wanted to rent movies. Instead, he preferred to stick to his tried and true favorites. I never really understood how they became favorites since he was so resistant to watching movies to begin with, but somehow he did develop a movie repertoire, and there was a specific list that he would watch every time they were on TV. You all probably know that he loved funny movies, some dramatic movies, and action movies. Some of his favorites were not too surprising: “Caddyshack,” “Shawshank Redemption,” “Fast Times at Ridgmont High,” “Apollo 13,” “Grumpy Old Men,” “Trading Places,” “Sergeant York,” and of course, his all time favorite movie – “Arthur.” But what you may not know is that some of his very favorite movies are romantic, or sappy, or corny. “An American President.” “Dave.” “Grease.” “Mary Poppins.” Even “Pretty Woman.” He would watch them every time they were on TV. What do they have in common? A happy ending. This was his number one criteria for a movie – it had to end well. One of my favorite thoughts now is that he really loved the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life,” with Jimmy Stewart. If you have never seen this, it is about a man who has something go horribly wrong in his life, and he feels those around him would have been better off if he had never lived. An angel comes and shows him what the world would have been like without him, and the man sees that he has had a wonderful impact on others, and that his life mattered very much. I like to think that Kirk had the same kind of life – the kind that made other people’s lives better because he was in it.

Books: What books? If it doesn’t have pictures and you can’t finish it in the bathroom, it was of no interest to him. He never understood my love of reading, with one exception. In Kirk world, there was only one book worth reading - “The Other Side of the Mountain.” He read it as a child, and for the rest of his life asserted that it was the best book ever written. I can’t imagine why – I finally read it for the first time a few years ago and was shocked at the hardship and isolation in it. But he loved it – the strength and perseverance of the character, the communion with nature. He had not read it since childhood, but a few years ago someone (I’m pretty sure it was Auntie Martha) gave it to him for Christmas and he read it cover to cover right away (this from a man that took a month to finish a magazine). Also on the topic of reading, he clearly had an opinion on the worst fiction of all time – the short story “The Lottery.” I have to agree it is a horrifying and distressing story – I also remembered reading it in high school and how much it upset me. But he had an absolute hatred for it, and thought it was downright abusive to make kids read it. Our kids knew from a very young age that if and when they found this story on their reading curriculum he was prepared to fight all the way to the Supreme Court to keep them from having to read it. From the time they were small, he worried some teacher would try to make them read it. I can’t remember now if they ever did – they probably read it and never told him so they wouldn’t have their dad embarrassing them by taking on City Hall over it. If you’ve never read it and think about looking it up now be warned – it’s AWFUL.

New York City: he loved it. Yup – the boy from Hilton, whose favorite things were football and hunting, really loved New York. He loved the busy-ness, and most of all, he loved seeing the people. We went there several times over the past few years and lots of the time we just walked or sat, watching the people the whole time. He liked the skaters and performers in Central Park, the people on the subway, the yuppies lined up outside the Apple Store. He LOVED the Naked Cowboy. For those unfamiliar with this person, he is a very fit guy who stands in Times Square all day in nothing but a cowboy hat and boxer briefs. He carries a guitar, and spends the whole day posing for pictures with female tourists. They grope him with abandon, and provided that he is sure they are adult, he gropes right back. And I do mean GROPE - while their friends, and even husbands and boyfriends, take pictures. And they PAY him for it – that guitar case on the ground is never short on cash. Kirk thought Einstein had nothing on this guy – what brilliant way to make a living! He would watch the guy for an hour every time we went there. I suspect he was weighing his options – Could he be the Naked Cowboy 2 as a second career? But what about the gym time he would have invest in to look like that in his boxers? Or would people pay for a picture with a guy in boxers even if he had a beer belly instead of a six pack? Hmmmm…it was a lot to ponder. And finally, the NY phenomenon that Kirk loved that will surprise you most of all – Broadway shows. He was surprised too – the first time we went ("Mamma Mia") he only went to appease me, but he loved it. The next time we went, we saw "Grease." On our next visit, I think it was going to be "Dreamgirls" or "Hairspray."

And speaking of performances: Kirk loved singing waiters. The first time we ate someplace that had them was in about 1996 at a huge home-style restaurant in South Carolina called The Plantation. The servers there were incredible singers, and they specialized in gospel sounding music, but the lyrics were always about food. There was one guy who had the deepest voice we’d ever heard, and he sang an incredible song about butter beans that brought down the house. We still talked about the butter bean guy years later – we would be at parties where people would be talking about the best singers in the world. Other people would say Streisand, or whatever, and Kirk would pipe up with “The best singer in the world is the butter bean guy in South Carolina.” When we were in New York City, we always went to Ellen’s Stardust Diner, where the staff is made up of struggling Broadway actors, and they sing all kinds of stuff – Elvis, show tunes, the Beach Boys. He was always amazed that you could go to a restaurant and hear ordinary people sing better than most of the stuff being turned out in professional recording studios.

Gay guys: He loved to be hit on by gay guys, and they seemed to have a thing for him. I first realized it when we went to Provincetown, and they would openly approach him, even with me there. He has been propositioned in airports and in hotels. My best guess is that they liked the lumberjack thing he kind of had going on. They weren't his type obviously, but he loved it nonetheless, and considered it highly flattering. Someone who thinks you're attractive is someone who thinks you're attractive, and how can that be a bad thing? As far as he was concerned, it was all a compliment. He would strut around with his chest puffed out, swinging his arms (if you know him, you know EXACTLY the strut I am talking about), and say "That guy wanted me - I'm hot."

And finally, what may be the biggest surprise of all, or then again, maybe not. It is not about an activity or thing he loved or hated, but ultimately I guess it is about who he loved and just how much he loved her. A couple of Christmases ago, Kirk gave me a secret Christmas present. It was when we lived in GA, and I think it may have been the year that his whole family came to see us for the holiday. I don’t know if anyone remembers that that year for Christmas, he gave me an envelope, and told me that I had to promise not to reveal to anyone else what was in it. I looked in it, and I cried. Why? Because it was the best, most special Christmas present I ever got. He had given me something that I wanted very much, that he did not want to give me, because it embarrassed him. Something that would mean one on one, “look into each others eyes” time together. Something that would allow us to do something most people of our generation never do, but that I had always wanted to do with him. What was it? Ballroom dancing lessons. I had been asking him to do this with me for probably 15 years. I love watching older couples dance – how they know what each other is thinking, can predict each others next steps, how they can do something so beautiful with no effort, how they seem to be just inside each other, as if no one else is even in the room. If you have ever seen a couple like this you know what I mean. I always knew that we both pretty much had two left feet – we were never going to win Dancing with the Stars. But I didn’t care about that – I just wanted to know each other so well we could move together without having to think, just the two of us without noticing anyone watching, and to do it while holding each other.

You are probably wondering how we did. I am sad to say we never took the lessons. It was my fault, not his. Every time I looked at the schedule the lessons seemed to be at a bad time. And if I’m honest, I was worried that we need to lose some weight first – dancing is hard work, and we were probably a bit chubby for it. Ever since the accident, I have regretted never getting around to taking those lessons – I always thought there was time. But as I am writing this, I am figuring out that even though we never learned to dance, I actually did get what I wanted. As I re-read the last sentence of the previous paragraph, I now realize that metaphorically speaking, everything I ever wanted from dancing, I had from our marriage. We really did move together without having to think, out in the world for all to see, yet still alone with each other somehow, and we certainly did it while holding each other.

Another happy blog post. I ♥ Kirk.