Kirk and Lisa: Chapter 2

Late August, 1979. Summer was ending and it was time for me to leave for University of Vermont. As I said earlier, we had decided to stay together despite the 12 hour distance – a tall order for a 5 week old relationship. I’d like to think we knew in our hearts we were right for each other, but that would be fantasy. We were just 17 and 19, in love, and a bit naive about how tough it would be.

We stayed up all night long the night before I left. It was really hard to say goodbye. He was worried about the recent ex-boyfriend being right across the lake from me. I reassured him, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy either.

My mom and my sister Lauren drove me up there. When we went into the dorm, the first thing I checked out was the phone situation. No phones in the rooms in the freshman dorm – just one pay phone per floor, in the landing of the stairwell. Big signs saying 10 minutes only. Not even a chair to sit on. I would spend many hours on the phone leaning up against that wall over the next few months, or waiting for some other girl to get off the phone with her boyfriend so I could call mine.

We got unloaded and eventually my mom and sister headed back home. I think I called him right away – collect of course. Throughout that semester, he ran up his parents’ phone bill so much he had to take out a loan to pay it off. We were still making the payments after we got married.

I would love to tell you that we blissfully talked on the phone every day and all was rosy. Nothing could be further from the truth. Although he grew out of it later as he matured into his 20s, at 19, he struggled somewhat with jealousy. It was hard for him to be at home while I was off in a new world with new friends, new guys, and you-know-who 30 minutes away. I had a hard time with him wanting to talk for hours every night when I wanted to go out with my friends (strawberry daiquiris at the Radisson downtown – it was the thing to do in 1979).

Classes started and I got a job – Papa Gino’s pizza parlor. It was tough fitting in at school. I was a kid who had grown up in a family that was not poor, but that didn’t have a ton of excess cash floating around either. I was surrounded by well-to-do kids who drove brand new cars and debated whether they should buy their season ski pass at Stowe or Killington, or both, while I served pizza to pay for books and food.

Despite the challenge of being apart, we did really miss each other. By the end of September, I figured out that if I took a lot of hours at work, I could earn enough for a plane ticket home in about 3 weeks as long as I didn’t spend money on anything else. Food became optional, as did daiquiris (most of the time). My first trip home was also my first plane ride ever. I flew in a tiny prop plane that seated about 8 over the Adirondack Mountains in a severe thunderstorm while people all around me threw up. I was terrified, but it was worth it when I saw him. I checked into the Howard Johnson’s Motor Lodge next to the restaurant where he still worked, and stayed there all weekend, and we were together every minute he wasn’t working. The hotel manager gave me the room for free. It was four miles from my home, and I never told my family I was there. And so began the rhythm of that semester – work enough for a ticket, blow off school on Friday, and stay at Howard Johnson’s for three days. I almost got caught when I came home at Thanksgiving (to see my family like normal kids do) and my mom told me she had been arguing with my bank. Because I was 17 when I opened my checking account, she was a joint account holder with me. She said a notice had come that I had bounced a check in a store across the street from Howard Johnson’s. She had been adamantly informing the bank I could not have done so, because I was away in Vermont on the day it happened. Oops…so much for checkbook balancing. I didn't fess up. Fortunately, she eventually prevailed and I was never caught.

He wrote me a letter every single day. EVERY day. At one point in between my visits home, he drove up to see me. I still remember watching for him out the window of my room on the fourth floor. I was so happy when I saw his car drive in the parking lot – a navy blue two door Monza, with a big dent in the rear quarter panel and that stupid rubber brain on the dashboard. An arm wearing a buffalo-plaid shirt hanging out the window. I couldn't see his face from up there, but there was no doubt who the driver was.

Trouble finally came though. In early December, the ex made an unexpected appearance. He loved me, he missed me, he should have told me how he felt earlier, he wanted me back. Uh-oh. I really cared about him still. Decision time again. While he and I were talking, another girl from the dorm came to say that Kirk was on the phone. It was our usual time to talk. I went to the phone and he started the conversation like always – what’s up? I decided to tell him. He asked me what I was going to do. I told him I didn’t know. I cried a lot – he asked me not to make a decision until we talked again and I agreed.

I went back to my room and told the ex I needed to think. He left quietly. He was always stoic about emotion. I told him I’d call him. I stayed up late, drank too much wine, and couldn’t make a decision. Finally I feel asleep.

Very early the next day, the RA knocked on my door and woke me up. I had a visitor. I walked out into the common area and there was Kirk. He had driven all night to get there and he looked exhausted. He wasn’t angry, pathetic, pleading, or threatening - he was just firm in his conviction. He had come to tell me he wanted me to pick him. And he intended to stay until I did. I know this may sound like crazy boyfriend stalker stuff but it wasn’t. I looked at him standing there and thought, “I can pick the one who only says he loves me after I break up with him, or I can pick the one who tells me he loves me every day, and will drive all night to tell me how much he wants to be with me.” It was suddenly a very easy decision. Little did I know then that I would see the same behavior for the next thirty years - he told me he loved me many times every day, and would go anywhere or do anything for me. (Side note – it was a great decision for more than one reason. The great-looking athletic ex now lives in Denver with his long-time boyfriend .)

After that semester, I quit school and came home. Truth be told, my grades were so bad they were kicking me out anyway. I went back to work at HoJo’s, although he had his own restaurant by now and didn’t work at that location anymore.

Next time, I’ll tell you how we got married.